


Birds and the Bees

by Kyrios (orphan_account)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Asexual Character, Liverpepper's Kingdom Hearts Fanverse, M/M, Married Life, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 20:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13725741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Kyrios
Summary: Leon wasn’t ready to give his kids the talk. He’d never be ready.





	Birds and the Bees

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crosspolination](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crosspolination/gifts).



> HAPPSOUYPYOYOYYY BIRTHDAY KARI. sorry for ruining the liverpepper verse, but i had to do it to (you). i love you very much. even if it may feel like we drifted away, you’ll forever be a confidant, a best friend, a talented writer and a fervorous chanyeol stan to me. i love you, happy birthday :)

Leon hadn’t, in fact, been ready to talk about this with the twins. If his scarlet cheeks were anything to go by, he’d never be ready.

“Okay—why don’t you go get your pa and we can talk about it as a family?”

“No can do,” Sora said. Roxas nodded and gave a thumbs up. “Pa said he didn’t like this stuff at all, so we had to talk to you.”

Leon buried his face in his hands and groaned. _Your asexuality is just fine when you make more sex jokes than I do, but when I need it most, you can’t talk about it?_

In the distance, he heard Cloud’s laugh. Dumbass. He’d curse him out if he didn’t value his sons’ pristine vocabulary so much.

“Why did I marry you?” Leon yelled.

“Tax benefits,” Cloud yelled back.

Leon patted the bed and scooted over so the twins could sit next to him. “Um, I guess we need to have the talk,” he said. “You both know about dating, and that’s… fine.”

Sora giggled. Roxas, the PDA-repulsed kid that he was, flushed just as red as his dad. “What exactly did you want to know?” Leon asked.

“Um, the guys at school were talking about doing things to the girls,” Sora said.

God, Leon could physically feel himself retreating into his previous morose personality, instead of the doting father he allowed himself to be around the twins. He pinched the bridge of his nose, right over his scar, and sighed.

He made the biggest effort of his life to be the mature adult, in spite of Cloud’s stupidity. “So, when two people love each other—actually, that’s not necessarily true nowadays…”

* * *

Leon wasn’t particularly petty, not at all, but he did make a point to ignore Cloud’s suggestions when he made dinner.

“How did it go with the kids?” Cloud snickered behind his hand. Leon glared at him.

“I think they thoroughly enjoyed the lesson on good communication with your partner,” Leon deadpanned. “You know, sharing the brunt of things and all.”

Cloud chuckled. “I’m not qualified to talk about that kind of thing.”

“That’s not what the twins think,” Leon said. When Cloud raised an eyebrow, he continued. “They looked really disgusted at the idea of us going at it like rabbits. I didn’t have the heart to tell them otherwise.”

“God, that’s disgusting,” Cloud grimaced. “Squall, you know I love you.”

“Unfortunately.”

“And you know I think you’re the most beautiful man in the world, and I’m not a PDA person but I do my best for you,” Cloud continued.

“Of course.”

“But you also know I’d never have sex with you in my life.”

“Or so I’ve been led to think during the last couple years in the damned prison that is our marriage,” Leon said.

A hearty laugh from Cloud. “Prison,” he said, draping his arms over Leon’s shoulders. “Now that’s harsh.”

“Denied bail and everything.”

“Doing life by my side sounds pretty lucky, if I’m honest.”

“Shut up,” Leon deadpanned. But something smelled really weird. He scrunched up his nose. “Holy mother of—”

He jumped around to see a stream of smoke covering the cooktop. How hadn’t the alarm gone off? “Cloud, get me your jacket, quick!”

“What? No!” Cloud crossed his arms over his chest protectively.

“Just give me the goddamn thing before our house is on fire!”

Cloud pouted and slung the leather jacket over his shoulders, tossing it at Leon. “Couldn’t you use an actual extinguisher?”

The fabric managed to smother the flames, but the kitchen still had a rank smell clinging to it, and Leon covered his nose with a hand. “Do you seriously care less about our home,” Leon said, “than you do about a piece of leather?”

 _Look who’s talking,_ Leon thought, but he’d never voice it.

“I take style seriously,” Cloud said. He walked over to the cooktop and inspected the jacket. It smelled pungent, like burning hair, but there wasn’t any significant damage done. He put it back on.

“You’re gonna have the smoke stench all week. God, you’re disgusting.”

“Am I?” Cloud teased. “But you love me.”

He wrapped his arms around Leon’s waist and knocked their foreheads together. The position looked slightly silly, given their height difference, but Leon took the bait and leaned down for the kiss anyway.

“Ew!” Someone squeaked.

They turned to the kitchen door immediately. There stood Sora and Roxas, the former registering everything with his phone, the latter with his hands over his eyes.

Leon sighed. “Sora, delete that.”

“But dad!”

“You heard your dad, kids,” Cloud added. “Do you two want to have takeout tonight? Then do it.”

Sora’s face lit up. “Yes. Yes, yes, yes!” He pulled Roxas’ hands away from his face. “Help me here!”

“Alright, no need for chanting, dad has a headache already,” Leon said, shoving an arm between the twins. He gave Cloud a dirty look. “We were going to get takeout anyway.”

“Aw, don’t ruin things, Squall!”

“Silence. Look at how it’s done.” Leon bent at the knees to look the kids in the eye. “You delete that video or absolutely no cellphones for a week.”

Sora frowned. Roxas immediately tugged the phone out of Sora’s hands and erased the file himself. “There,” he mumbled.

Cloud whistled. “I probably missed parenting 101. My bad.”

“No, Cloud. I’m just on another level entirely. I have a PhD in dad. I’m the best dad ever, while you’re merely an inexperienced child. A teenager stuck in an almost-forties body.”

“Whatever,” Cloud said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s just order already, your sense of humour makes me hungry. I’m craving the greasiest pizza in the market and I’m sure the kids are, too.”

“It’s like you missed my point about parenting entirely,” Leon said. He closed his eyes and breathed in. God, he loved his stupid husband more than he deserved. “Okay, kids. Pizza for dinner just this once.”

Leon pointed at Sora, the little rascal. “And don’t even think of having any leftovers for breakfast. You,” he looked at Roxas, “don’t go along with your brother’s antics. Am I understood?”

“Yes, dad,” said the three of them—wait.

Leon turned around and gaped at his husband.

**Author's Note:**

> REITERATING THAT I LOVE KARI
> 
> me on twit: @hellites  
> kari on twit: @joshriku


End file.
